Live Your Life

Me

I’m broken.  It’s fantastic.  Crying doesn’t help.  I have to force it out…and then it doesn’t feel like anything.  Tears are warm, gasping makes tiny noises…but eh, that’s about it.  Guess I should try something else.

I don’t know if I’ll survive.  Clearly I could.  Probably I will.  But it’s all good to doubt.

I wish Niko were a person.

According to about.com, we shouldn’t be in contact until we’re both over it.  Oops.

Despite the fact that we all need people, I wish I didn’t need any.  I wish I could just shrink away into oblivion.  It’s much to difficult to express any thoughts to other people.

It’s disappointing that:

1. I thought there was still hope
2. I think I wish you’d fail
3. Texting is way more important than having a conversation with the person in front of you
4. Clean is apparently dirty to you
5. Messy is also dirty to you
6. I don’t want to turn to anyone but you—bad idea
7. I don’t recall any reason to end stuff before
8. I can’t sleep now
9. I have no interest in other people now that I’m back
10. Running doesn’t help me sleep
11. I think you’re a better person than you really are
12. I wish you were that better person
13. I wish someone else was that better person
14. I don’t think I’ll get anywhere in life for the next year
15. I think I should go out…but I don’t want to
16. I want to yell all the time
17. I want to cut off my connection to the world
18. I think I’m stupid
19. I think I should have done better
20. I think I should give up
21. The walls are thin—intended to be interpretted literally
22. We can’t talk, because I have nothing to say
23. I have nothing to say, because I have no solution
24. The solution might be that we sever the connection immediately
25. This option is currently not available
26. I don’t want to make other friends
27. I still can’t sleep
28. Does this mean I’ll have to go get a psychologist to deal with the insomnia, or is it just that this is a new place?
29. I want to drink…but it won’t put me to sleep
30. I want to try running again, but it’s dark
31. I want it to end
32. You drive me crazy
33. Maybe I do feel something when I cry
34. I’m not exceptional
35. I have a small vocal range
36. I think your thoughts are rants
37. I think your making irresponsable mistakes
38. I think I wish that something bad happened because of these so called “mistakes” so that I could laugh at you
39. I clearly want to hate you, but I don’t
40. I need a distraction
41. I need a knight in shining armor
42. No one is coming to save me
43. It feels like it’s all up to me
44. Maybe it is all up to me
45. It could be all up to me…
46. Maybe thinking it’s all up to me is an excuse.  Despite the power of thought, the tragic truth of humanity includes other people.
47. I’m sure there’s more, but I don’t feel like digging
48. I want to get to 50
49. I wish you had chosen me
50. I don’t think anyone else will