Live Your Life

Identity

How does one go about finding his or her own identity?  In my own personal search, I find that I seek out others—quite frequently—to re-affirm my own conclusions.  However, more frequently, I tend to seek out other people’s ideas and opinions, before finding my own.  I also tend to just steal their ideas and opinions and take them as my own.  Isn’t it just the slightest bit ironic that in my search for myself—I look to others for the answers?

That was a couple of days ago.  I started this draft on Tuesday, March 19, I am now continuing on Friday (night)/Saturday (morning), March 21.

Okay, so identity.  How do we find it?  After reading the short paragraph from above, I’ve decided that I’m not ready to find it.  I haven’t acquired the life skills to fully grasp myself.  This also brings up the question, “How many people do know who they are?” additionally, “How does one acquire such skills?”

I know, for certain, that there are parts of myself that are premature.  I still live in a world where stories come true.  Tonight I came to terms with some of that and reminded myself that stories are just that—fiction.  I even realized that characters, many times, are extreme cases of certain attributes we find in ourselves.  That is, they are written to stress certain abilities and personalities.  I have a tendency to forget that stories also leave out the boring parts.  Xena isn’t always triumphing over baddies (heh, perhaps she’s spending some alone time with Gabrielle!); a Buffy episode was never spent entirely on research.  Logically, it had to take the Scoobies at least a couple hours to get some of the information we would find out on screen.  Bones spends her time reading and listening to music in her apartment.

I must attribute some of this discovering to a Bethany.  :)

I have other stuff that links to the same idea here.  For example, people that truly enjoy their work probably immerse theirselves and forget about time.  I want that.  I want to work because I can’t stop myself.  I want to get paid for something I would do without getting paid for it.  Technically, I think I would need to get paid; I have monetary motives.  Idealistically, I want to get paid for something I would do in my spare time.  I’m never really sure what I would want my career to be.  Certainly I enjoy rock climbing, but enough to dedicate myself?  Nah.  I’ve been told I’m fairly skilled in mathematics, but sometimes I wonder if I’m doing it just because I’m good at it.  What do I dream of doing?  I dream of being lazy…well, more free.  Free to explore.  Free to relax.  I haven’t exactly found the way to apply that to any high paying career though.  I suppose you could argue that practically any job could involve adventures and 15 minute breaks though.  ;)  So I think this also has to do with identity, but maybe I’ll write on it more if the question comes up again.